You may think of boundaries within a relationship and think that a relationship is struggling. In reality, boundaries can actually be a vital component to make a relationship healthy.
Boundaries help people define what is acceptable and what is not acceptable within their shared relationship. These boundaries can be specific to things like culture, finances, emotions, material possessions, physical space, sex, time, and more.
While boundaries are typically viewed as a harsh ask or even a way to divide something, they're essential in protecting one's overall mental health and wellness.
While it's best to set boundaries in a relationship early, if you're new to boundaries, it's not too late to start. This is how to set healthy relationship boundaries.
Determine Your Values
The first step in setting healthy relationship boundaries is to first determine what you're looking for in the relationships in your life. Take some time to figure out your wants, needs, values, and beliefs. Consider the relationships in your life that you value and trust. Are there certain aspects that you'd like to see applied to another one of your relationships? What are the things that you're looking to change? Try writing everything out in a journal so that you have a better idea of all of your thoughts and feelings. Organizing everything in an easy-to-view list can help you have a better idea of how you feel in different situations and what boundaries you should implement.
Consider Timing
Once you have an idea of what you're looking for, make sure you're finding a good time to chat with the other person. Timing is everything. Set a time for you and your partner to discuss your relationship. You want to find a time that works for both of you. Make sure you're both feeling calm and content. You both should be putting away any and all distractions so that you can give one another your full and undivided attention. This means turning off the television, silencing your phones, and maintaining eye contact with one another. After sharing your boundaries, determine the next steps. Are you both feeling comfortable to sit through and talk it out in more detail, or do you need a break to reflect internally before regrouping?
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Communication is key in any type of relationship. You can build and improve your relationship by being open and honest with one another, through easy-to-navigate conversations and in those challenging conversations as well. While communicating your wants, needs, and boundaries may seem scary and even anxiety-provoking, it's necessary to build the trust and bond that you share with your partner. While it may seem easier to dismiss how you're actually feeling so you can prevent an uncomfortable conversation, this can lead to further issues within your relationship. Your partner can't assume or read your mind with what you're looking for. You have to be able to express yourself effectively so that they can work to make the necessary changes for both of you.
Reinforce Your Boundaries with Consequences
If boundaries are new within your relationship, give yourself and your partner a bit of time and grace to start implementing them. You can't expect someone to make changes immediately, especially without making mistakes here and there. Mistakes are what help us learn and grow. That being said, you also don't want to continue to let someone disrespect your boundaries. Set consequences when someone dismisses or disrespects one of your boundaries. For example, if one of your boundaries is for a person to listen to you when you're talking to them, you can state that if someone keeps talking over you or interrupting you, you'll have to leave the conversation. This can be a great positive reinforcement for you to protect your mental well-being and for someone to learn that they need to respect your boundaries or there will be consequences.
Next Steps
You deserve to have healthy boundaries and healthy relationships. The help of a mental health professional can make a big difference. Schedule a consultation for couples counseling to get started on your path towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.