The First Holidays After a Loss: A Guide for Grieving Families

Grace Dowd

3 days ago

5 min read

The first holiday season after someone you love dies can feel impossible to imagine. Traditions that used to bring comfort may now highlight who's missing, and every family member may be hurting in a different way. If your family is facing its first holidays after a loss and you've been looking for family grief counseling in Austin, this guide offers gentle, practical ways to get through the season together.

There's no right way to do this. The goal isn't to have a perfect holiday. It's to make room for grief, care for each other, and find small moments of meaning.

Want support from Francesca? Francesca Redeye-McGinnis, LMFT Associate, is accepting new clients for grief, couples and family therapy, in person Downtown or virtually across Texas. Book a free 15-minute consult.

Why the first holidays are so hard

Holidays are built around family, rituals and memories, so they tend to amplify grief. Families often notice:

Dread in the weeks leading up, which can feel worse than the day itself.
Uncertainty about whether to keep, change or skip traditions.
Conflict when family members want different things.
Pressure from others to be cheerful or "move on."
Guilt about moments of joy or laughter.
Grief showing up in the body as exhaustion, tension or trouble sleeping.

All of this is normal. Grief often comes in waves, and anniversaries and holidays are common times for those waves to grow.

Plan ahead as a family

Talking about the holidays before they arrive can lower stress for everyone. Try a family check-in where each person, including kids, can share what feels important and what feels too hard this year.

Decide which traditions to keep, which to change, and which to pause.
Consider a different location or format, like a smaller gathering or a trip.
Divide tasks so no one carries everything, especially whoever was closest to the person who died.
Make a backup plan, such as leaving early or taking a walk, if things get overwhelming.
Agree that plans can change, even on the day.

Ways to honor your loved one

Many families find comfort in including the person they lost rather than avoiding their absence. A few ideas:

Light a candle in their memory at the start of a meal.
Cook their favorite dish or use their recipe.
Set out a memory jar where everyone writes a favorite story.
Hang a special ornament or display a photo.
Give to a cause they cared about, or do an act of kindness in their name.
Visit a place that meant something to them.

Choose what feels right. Some families want lots of remembrance; others need a quieter, simpler acknowledgment.

Supporting children and teens through holiday grief

Kids and teens grieve too, though it may look different than adult grief. Younger children might move quickly between sadness and play, while teens may withdraw, seem irritable, or prefer to grieve with friends. Helpful steps include:

Use honest, age-appropriate language about the death.
Let them help choose how to remember their loved one.
Keep some familiar routines to offer stability.
Tell them it's okay to have fun and okay to be sad.
Watch for signs they may need extra support, such as ongoing sleep problems, school struggles, or pulling away from friends.

Our teen counseling page shares more about how we support adolescents through hard seasons.

When family members grieve differently

One person may want to talk about the loss constantly while another wants to avoid the subject. One may want every tradition the same; another may want everything different. These differences can lead to hurt feelings, especially when everyone is exhausted. Try to assume good intentions, speak from your own experience ("I'm finding it hard to decorate this year"), and give each other room. If tension keeps building, a family session with a grief-informed therapist can help everyone feel heard.

Take care of yourself, too

Grief takes energy. Lower expectations where you can, say no to events that feel like too much, and build in rest. Gentle movement, time outside, simple meals and early nights help your body cope. It's also okay to take a break from grief, to laugh, enjoy a movie, or savor a good moment. Grief experts call this healthy oscillation between facing the loss and returning to daily life.

If you're not sure whether what you're feeling is grief or something more, our post on grief or depression can help you sort it out.

How family grief counseling can help

Family grief counseling gives everyone a safe place to share what they're feeling, understand each other's grief, and make decisions together. A therapist can help families plan for hard dates, support children in age-appropriate ways, ease conflict, and honor the person who died. Learn more on our grief and loss counseling page.

Meet Francesca Redeye-McGinnis, family grief therapist in Austin

Francesca Redeye-McGinnis, LMFT Associate, is a Certified Grief Informed Practitioner at Grace Therapy & Wellness who works with individuals, couples, teens and families. She supports clients through death and bereavement, ambiguous loss, pregnancy loss, pet loss and family stress, using the dual-process model of grief, DBT, IFS and somatic approaches. Francesca also offers Indigenous community support and is supervised by Claire Ashton, LPC-S, LMFT-S.

Francesca is accepting new clients in person at our 805 W. 10th St. office in Downtown Austin and virtually across Texas. Learn more about Francesca, or read her post on grieving an estranged parent.

Frequently asked questions

Should we skip the holidays the first year after a death?

Some families do, and that's okay. Others keep some traditions and change others. Talk together about what feels manageable this year, knowing you can choose differently next year.

How do I help my kids through the first holidays after a loss?

Be honest, keep some routines, let them help remember their loved one, and reassure them that all feelings are okay. Reach out for support if their grief seems to be getting harder over time.

Is it normal to feel worse before the holidays than on the day itself?

Yes. Many people find the anticipation is the hardest part. Having a plan and support in place can ease some of that dread.

Can our whole family come to grief counseling together?

Yes. Family sessions can help everyone understand each other's grief. Some families combine family sessions with individual support for one or more members.

Support for your family this season

The first holidays after a loss are hard, and you don't have to figure them out alone. If you'd like support, contact us to schedule a free consultation for family grief counseling in Austin or virtually across Texas. If you or someone in your family is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time.

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