Emotional Infidelity: What It Means and How It Impacts Relationships
Updated: Oct 24
Once a cheater, always a cheater. You've heard many stories about cheaters from your close friends, in movies and television shows, and through complete strangers online.
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You may have even coached your friend or family member through a tough breakup that was a result of cheating. But you never imagined that cheating was in the cards for you.
Cheating is often depicted as a physical act like a kiss, an extended embrace, touching, or other sexual acts. But emotional cheating is still cheating. Emotional infidelity is still infidelity.
Let's learn more about what this means and how it can impact relationships.
What is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional infidelity is a type of cheating that occurs when someone who is in a committed relationship starts to develop an emotional connection with someone who isn't their partner. Emotional infidelity can include things like commenting, liking, or directly messaging someone on social media, connecting with former friends or exes, or flirting with someone either virtually or in person. These actions aren't always directly tied to emotional cheating, but if secrecy and deception are present, emotional infidelity is usually the culprit.
How It Impacts Relationships
Emotional infidelity can cause just as many issues as physical cheating can. Although your partner may not have actually acted on their feelings or impulses, emotional infidelity can cause many different negative effects on a relationship. Here are a few of the many different ways emotional cheating can harm a relationship.
Communication Problems
If one partner isn't being completely honest with the other partner, it can lead to communication problems within the relationship. The partner who is emotionally cheating will become deceptive and private about things that they may have been previously open about. This will lead their partner to start to question themselves and their partner's actions and behaviors. Instead of having healthy communication between the two partners, the new normal may involve keeping secrets and lying to one another.
Trust Issues
Trust is a key component in all types of healthy relationships. Emotionally cheating can cause a lot of trust issues within a relationship. While one partner is emotionally cheating, the other partner will start to question themselves and their partner to see what the problem is in their relationship. When cheating is present, no matter if it's physical or emotional, trust is hard to find.
Intimacy Struggles
Emotional cheating can be a vicious cycle that can cause more and more problems. Cheating can already lead to intimacy issues within your relationship. The longer this goes on, the worse these intimacy struggles can become. The lack of communication and trust can lead to even more intimacy issues that can make it even harder to return to how things were before the emotional cheating occurred.
Emotional Trauma
Emotional cheating can also lead to a type of trauma, emotional trauma. Both partners involved may experience trauma due to feeling embarrassed, betrayed, regretful, or shameful about their actions and what led them both to where they are now.
Signs of Emotional Infidelity
Sharing personal thoughts, worries or excitement with someone else before your partner.
Keeping conversations, texts or the depth of a friendship hidden.
Looking forward to contact with that person more than time with your partner.
Comparing your partner unfavorably to this person.
Feeling defensive when your partner asks about the friendship.
Pulling away emotionally or physically from your relationship.
Friendship or Something More?
Close friendships outside a relationship are healthy. A helpful question is whether you would be comfortable if your partner could see the interaction, and whether this person is meeting emotional needs that you are not bringing to your partner. Every couple draws its own lines, which is why talking openly about expectations matters.
If You Are the One Who Was Hurt
Finding out about an emotional connection can bring shock, anger and doubt. Give yourself time before making big decisions. Talk with someone you trust, and consider individual support to sort through what you want. If the pain feels overwhelming or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.
If You Are the One Who Crossed a Line
Shame can make it tempting to hide or defend what happened. Taking responsibility, being honest, and being willing to answer questions with patience are important first steps toward repair. Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent action.
Rebuilding After a Breach of Trust
Couples can work through infidelity with support. A couples therapist can help you understand what was happening in the relationship, talk about hurt without escalating, and decide how to move forward together or apart. Learn more about our couples counseling in Austin or reach out to ask about a consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is emotional cheating really cheating?
Definitions of infidelity differ from couple to couple. What matters most is whether trust and agreements were broken. If one partner feels betrayed, the hurt is real, whether or not anything physical happened.
Can a relationship recover from emotional infidelity?
Many couples do rebuild, though it takes honesty, accountability and time. Both partners need space to talk about what happened and what they need in order to feel safe again. Couples therapy can offer structure for those conversations.
Should we go to therapy together or separately?
Either can help, and many people benefit from both. Individual sessions offer space to process your own feelings, while couples sessions focus on communication and rebuilding trust. Your therapist can help you decide on a starting point.
Next Steps
Emotional cheating can be just as damaging, if not even more damaging, to a person as physical cheating can be. No matter how you try to spin it: cheating is cheating. If you and your partner are struggling with your relationship after experiencing emotional infidelity, it is possible to move forward again. No matter if you're interested in trying to repair and heal your relationship and bond or if you're interested in parting ways, therapy can help get you back to a state of normalcy again.
Individual therapy, couples therapy, or a combination of the two can be a great way for you to work through all of the different thoughts and emotions that you're holding onto. Plus, therapy provides you and your partner a safe and secure space to openly talk about your issues with the help of an outside third party. Reach out today if you're interested in learning more about couples therapy.
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