One of the most important relationships that occur in life is that between a child and their parent or primary caregiver. The quality of these relationships can impact children for their entire lives. If a child's primary caregiver is loving and consistent in their care, the child will likely be able to form a secure or healthy attachment style.
Adverse childhood events, such as inconsistent care, neglect, separation, or trauma, can create an unhealthy or insecure attachment style. These childhood experiences can affect the relationships that you form when you're an adult. Let's learn more about some of the signs of attachment trauma in adults.
Relationship Problems

Some of the most common signs of attachment trauma in adults appear within the relationships they form as adults. More often than not, adults who form an insecure attachment style in their childhood are likely to experience relationship problems. Among others, these problems can include the following:
Difficulty maintaining boundaries
Fear of intimacy
Fear of abandonment
Jealousy
Tendency to pursue unhealthy relationships
Low Self-Esteem
Since their needs were often left unmet or their care was inconsistent, adults with attachment trauma are more likely to experience low self-esteem. They may have even started to believe negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. These thoughts can include feeling like they don't belong or that they're unworthy of being loved.
Difficulty Managing Emotions
An adult who forms an insecure or unhealthy attachment style might have an extremely difficult time managing their own emotions. Their emotions could be very strong and lead to extreme highs and lows. They can also be easily triggered due to constantly feeling the need to be in defense mode as a way to protect themselves.
Dissociation
Dissociation is a common tactic that is used to help provide temporary relief. While this may seem like a great coping mechanism, it is truly only a short-term solution to a much larger issue.
Someone might dissociate by detaching themselves from reality or spacing out just to avoid thinking or feeling a certain way. This action won't actually help with processing or allowing those emotions to be released. It's likely to lead to worsening symptoms.
Lack of Trust
Since they may not have had trustworthy relationships as a child, an adult with attachment trauma can have an extremely difficult time trusting others. This includes struggling to believe that another person will actually be there for them. This can lead to doubting others and a need for constant reassurance.
People-Pleasing
People who form insecure attachment styles often go to great lengths to obtain validation from others. Since their primary caregivers didn't provide them with adequate validation when they were a child, they might actively seek this approval from others.
People-pleasing is a common occurrence in individuals who have unhealthy attachment styles, and it often stems from a fear of rejection. They will even dismiss their own wants and needs to please someone else.
Self-Sabotage
Another sign of attachment trauma is self-sabotaging. A person who forms an insecure attachment style might not understand or believe in themselves and their value. This can lead to self-sabotage. When their relationship seems like it's going well, they may even try to ruin their own happiness and purposefully mess things up in the relationship.
Help Is Available
You didn't have the power to choose the attachment style that you formed as a child, but you can have a greater impact on your attachments as an adult. Change is possible, and you can develop a more secure attachment style with the right help and support. Working with a mental health professional can help you get there. Reach out today to get started with trauma counseling.